Top 100 SNES Review: #53 – Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts (1991)

This Game Did Me Dirty.

One play through was already enough of a wasted life, none the less two. 

Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts Title ScreenSydlexia’s Ranking: #53/100
My Rating: cropped-smooth-star-e1545863035586cropped-smooth-star-e1545863035586cropped-smooth-star-e1545863035586

The en vogue thing to say is that Ghouls n’ Ghosts was the original Dark Souls: both are bone crushingly hard and guides are almost worthless. Your only option is to Git Gud.

And get good I did. I overcame frustration and not once did I throw the controller in disgust. No matter how many times screwed and scorned, I stayed steady and plugged away. Reaching the final boss was going to be the height of my retro gaming achievement. Defeating the reincarnation of an earlier boss, I thought I had done it.

Then, the princess says you need a bracelet, a bracelet that she has hidden somewhere in the world. With this, you are thrown back to stage one to repeat all your trials and tribulations but on an even harder threshold.

I have been broken.

Continue reading “Top 100 SNES Review: #53 – Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts (1991)”

Top 100 SNES Review: #41 – Sparkster (1994)

Oh No, Opossum!

It’s more fun pretending to be marsupial digging through a trashcan than this garbage heap of a side-scrolling game. 

Sparkster

Sydlexia’s Ranking: #41/100
My Rating: cropped-smooth-star-e1545863035586

I don’t mean to come across as harsh, but I think this game really sucks. There is only one unique thing about Sparkster: a lighting-quick, rocket charge attack that propels you across stage at the speed of light to a quick death. The only reason to play is the very thing you shouldn’t do. Sparkster is really synonymous with Sisyphus, and you’ll feel like you’ve been rolling a rock uphill to only see it roll back with every level.

Continue reading “Top 100 SNES Review: #41 – Sparkster (1994)”

Top 100 SNES Review: #46 – Final Fight (1991)

A Homoerotic Tussle.

Why does everyone have a porn ‘stache?

81A3MHx7DrL.jpg

Sydlexia’s Ranking: #46/100
My Rating:cropped-smooth-star-e1545862962550cropped-smooth-star-e1545862962550cropped-smooth-star-e1545862962550

I went to a gay bar last night. It was the typical affair: everyone in their tightly knitted cliques creating walled-off circles as Ariana Grande music saturates the air. Almost all stereotypes were accounted for, even the alternative Beatnick with skinny jeans, platinum colored hair, and a stuffed animal back pack.

I’ve had kind of a rough morning since; maybe well rum and cokes don’t do the body as good as they used to. I needed something easy to play, and a classic side-scrolling beat ’em up was the answer. Maybe it’s because I’m hungover or maybe it’s because of where my last contact with society was, but this game seems like an alternative gay reality.

Continue reading “Top 100 SNES Review: #46 – Final Fight (1991)”

Top 100 SNES: #55 – Battletoads in BattleManiacs (1993)

Cheap Kills, No Thrills.

A knock-off of another cold-blooded, reptilian franchise, they decided not to imitate their best feature: fun. 

screen shot 2019-01-29 at 7.14.23 pm

Sydlexia’s Ranking: #55/100
My Rating: cropped-smooth-star-e1545862962550

Imagine, for a moment, that you are about to enjoy breakfast with your favorite cereal. To your chagrin, you see that someone accidentally bought you the Great Value version. When you finally pour it, it’s actually been replaced with cockroaches.

This is Battletoads for the SNES. It’s not a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game. It’s not even a video game like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Hell, it isn’t even a video game. It’s a reaction time test where a series of impossible tasks have been curated for no one’s enjoyment.

Continue reading “Top 100 SNES: #55 – Battletoads in BattleManiacs (1993)”

Top 100 SNES Review: #43- Super Star Wars (1992)

Geeking Out.

Everyone wants the same things: to use a lightsaber.

Screen Shot 2018-12-02 at 8.45.17 PM
Luke Skywalker with Bell’s Palsy.

Sydlexia’s Ranking: #43/100
My Rating: cropped-smooth-starcropped-smooth-star

The bar is set very low for Star War games. All any fanboy wants is a chance to play out their galactic fantasies. Even the most fumbling games are greeted with praise and play due to it satisfying the deep-seated need of adventure and acting out heroics.

I remember these games being a big deal to my childhood-self as the idea of a multi-medial approach was something to get excited about. The thought that you could watch the Star Wars movies PASSIVELY and then play them out ACTIVELY so unique.

This game has a hard time making the same claim in 2018 — it’s grown quite rough around the edges. 

Continue reading “Top 100 SNES Review: #43- Super Star Wars (1992)”

Top 100 SNES Review: #40 – Lufia and the Fortress of Doom

Sunk Cost Fallacy.

As the hour count continued to rise, I continued to play to not lose out on time already invested.

Screen Shot 2018-08-06 at 5.46.41 PM

Sydlexia’s Ranking: #40/100
Developer: Taito
My Rating: cropped-smooth-star

“Individuals commit the sunk cost fallacy when they continue a behavior or endeavor as a result of previously invested resources (time, money or effort)” (Arkes & Blumer, 1985).

You know, I like to think of myself as rational. Who doesn’t like to imagine themselves as an autonomous agent living out their free will initiatives? Unfortunately, Lufia and the Fortress of Doom dissolved any notion of me being in control of my faculties. This game is a hot piece of garbage, a big to-do list from hell, and it could only be my irrational, emotional processes that made me continue.

Continue reading “Top 100 SNES Review: #40 – Lufia and the Fortress of Doom”

Top 100 NES Review: #31 – Dr. Mario (1990)

The Antibiotic Resistance Crisis.

The rise of drug-resistant staph and pneumonia has its roots in this Mario-themed, puzzle game.

Screen Shot 2018-07-11 at 8.13.25 PM
Dr. Mario after completing his residency at Mushroom Kingdom Health Systems.

Sydlexia’s Ranking: #31/100
Developer:  Nintendo
My Rating: smooth-starsmooth-starsmooth-starsmooth-star

There is a healthcare crisis in this country right now. As we look at ways to manage costs, it is important to be self-reflective and address instances of abuse and waste.

Look no further than Dr. Mario. His clinical practice guidelines consist of the over prescription of antibiotics. Not only does this not make sense (after all, the diagnosis is a viral infection that won’t respond to this type of treatment), he runs the risk of creating new strains of diseases that will be resistant to the very antibiotics he continues to dispense.

While the ethics of Dr. Mario’s decisions come into question, his puzzle adventure game does test the mind and makes one believe that, they too, can practice medicine.

Continue reading “Top 100 NES Review: #31 – Dr. Mario (1990)”